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The Very Secret Diary of peasant007
Zane's Adventures in South Park 
29th-Dec-2014 04:25 pm
Zane Creepy Smile
Just because I haven't updated my legacy or posted much about my Sims doesn't mean that they aren't far from my mind.  If anything, they provide me with ideas and concepts for character creation in other games.

This game was South Park: The Stick of Truth.  The game is pretty quick as far as games go.  It takes maybe twelve hours to beat and I had already played through once before.  Being terribly amused by it and wanting to try out a different class, I decided to play through again using Zane.  Underneath the cut are a bunch of screencaps from the game.  I'll try not to be too spoilery about the plotline, which even surprised me in the end.

The game is super offensive seeing as it's South Park.  They have never held back when it comes to making fun of EVERYTHING.


Because South Park has such a simple (and iconic) artistic style to replicate, the game looked exactly as if I were watching a long episode.  The character creation was fairly in depth despite this.  The only exception is that you can only create a boy, which makes sense seeing as South Park is about the boys and their adventures.  By the way, I saw a fauxhawk in the Character Creator so I might do another play through with a certain character with that hairstyle.  I think he'd make a good rogue.

Anyway, Zane (The New Kid/Douchebag) doesn't talk.  This is lampshaded over and over again (the girls, when you meet them, even thinks it's "hot," lol).  Zane (who just moved to the neighborhood) was told by his parents to go outside and make friends.  The first person he meets is Butters, who instantly friended Zane on Facebook and led Zane to Cartman's house where they boys are playing "Humans and Elves."

Or whatever they call their game.  Basically they're LAPRing, which I totally appreciate.

Because all the characters (except Zane) talk and refer to each other by name, the game worked around this is an elegant (yet truly South Park) fashion.  I typed in "Zane" and Cartman is like, "So your name is Douchbag, is this correct?"  I selected "No," and Cartman is like, "Well, Douchebag it is!  Welcome to our game, Douchebag."

Yes, Zane was called Douchebag (with titles as he progressed, Sir, Commander, King) by the boys and by everyone else he was called "New Kid."

I had already done a play through as a Mage, so this time I picked "Jew."  Yes, "Jew" was a class (quite an overpowered one I might add).

I would like to point out one more time that this is a South Park game, so it's going to be super offensive.  No more warnings!

The boys have a stick that, whomever is in possession of it, controls the world.  The "humans," aka: Kingdom of Kupa Keep, were in possession of it, but the elves (led by Kyle and Stan) were trying to steal it.  Which they do right after the tutorial.

And so the first day went (the game spans three days).  I didn't take many pictures during the first day.  Basically Zane was tasked to recruit Token and Tweek, and to break Craig out of detention (battling a bunch of Ginger Hall Monitors).  He also picked up a few side missions from the rest of the cast of South Park.  Everyone was there with the exception of the celebrities and political figures (not counting Al Gore, who was all about Manbearpig and stuff.  I had to do a couple quests for him).

The game is hilarious, guys, and everything, EVERYTHING, is a call back or reference to the entire series.  Even the music that plays in the stores and such are songs from the show itself.

For a good portion of the game, I used Butters (a Paladin) as my main companion.  I could have also chosen Jimmy (Bard), Stan (Ranger Warrior), Kenny (Princess), and eventually Cartman (Wizard King-super over powered, as only Cartman would have it), and Kyle (Druid King).

I mainly chose Butters though because his Professor Chaos ability was incredibly awesome.

Zane also picked up a couple of Summons who were people who do massive damage and kill everything in one shot once a day-except for boss fights.  They all make it a point to say that.

(OMG, Mister Slave's was just so, so wrong!)

So Day One ended, and Zane went to sleep.  Well, what's one thing that can happen in South Park at night?

Yep.  A good, old fashioned alien abduction and anal probing.

New Kid has good control of his sphincter muscles, so he breaks free, rescues Randy Marsh.  The alien ship crashes and leaks a green goo, which is bad, m'kay?

Again, not getting into the whole story because of spoilers, Day Two tasks Zane with recruiting the Goth Kids, who make him dress and act like them before they'll talk to him.  They also make Zane walk into the town meeting with the sign to prove his individuality in order to be just like them.

Plotty plot stuff happened, Zane chose to side with Kyle instead of Cartman and he used his "Twitter Raven" to call the Goth Kid forces to side with the elves.  Battle ensued, major plot twist, and that was the end of Day Two.

Zane went to bed.

What ELSE can happen in South Park at night?

Yep.  Underpants gnomes.

Battle ensues, Underpants gnomes shrink Zane and run away, with Zane giving chase.


The entire sequence has his parents having loud, violent, dirty sex in the background.  Could it get any worse?

You need to ask?

The answer is yes.  Yes it can.

The Boss Battle takes place on their bed.

And, yes, it gets even worse than that.

And that's how Day Two ends.

(The night time sequences added special abilities for New Kid to use.  The broken anal probe allowed for him to move to certain areas that had alien robot eye things (you can see one in the picture with Jimbo, Ned, and Skuzzlebutt).  The ability to shrink ability down allowed him to go into areas, like mouse holes, and such.

Day Three begins with the Humans and Elves forming an alliance against the plot twist enemy.

Zane was tasked with recruiting The Girls to join their game.  But nothing is ever easy.  The girls had this whole so and so "is a backstabbing whore"  (quoted from the game) and this and that girl "is a slut" thing that even I could barely follow.

All I know is that the girls gave Zane a Girl Makeover so he could get into the abortion clinic to get ahold of some records.

Zane broke the abortion machine with his powerful butt muscles (yeah, that happened) and he had to dress up like a doctor to be able to get into the record room.

More plot stuff happened, talking about the "Newest and totally huge Taco Bell" being built at the UFO crash site South Park Mall, because everyone in South Park, particularly Randy Marsh, is hilariously stupid.

That green goo that leaked from the alien ship?  It's bad, m'kay.

So bad that anything it touches turn them into...

...Nazi Zombies. (Which pisses off "Big Government Bad Guy" -actual name- because Nazi Zombies are so cliched and "totally played out.")

Zane needed to escape the abortion clinic, but the government guys were suspicious.

So he had to perform an "abortion" on a disguised Randy Marsh.

As you do.

"Abortion" performed and suspicion averted, Zane leaves the room, only to have the army guys have a dawning realization. The alien goo got into the garbage dump of the clinic.

Quote: "What could possibly be in the dumpster of an abortion clinic?"

So that happened.

It was so, so, so, very, very, VERY WRONG.

Back at the Girl's Secret Hideout, the girls have the information they need but it's written in French and the only place anyone knows that speaks that language is in "the Kingdom Far to the North."  But before Zane can go there, he needed to get his passport picture taken.

Which Zane got after battling a pedophile.  (Once I got Cartman as a companion, I didn't use anyone else because between me and him we were so powerful we could kill mobs before they could hit us.  Yes, Cartman is lighting his fart on fire there.  He was incredibly useful, except for the final, final boss fight when he was all like, "I'm just going to stand over here.  You can do it, King Douchebag, I believe in you!")

Passport in hand, Zane headed to the "Kingdom Far to the North."

Which looked like a video game from the 80's, complete with "Oh Canada" and "Blame Canada" midi soundtrack playing in the background.

Zane battled a bunch of Dire Wolves and Dire Bears ("Which are like Wolves/Bears, only DIRE").

He met the Prince and Princess of Canada. (Every time the princess spoke, the prince would shush her, which made me laugh for some reason.  Yes, the Prince has a pair of balls in his hand.  Plot.)

To resolve the Canada subplot, Zane had to learn his final "Magic Spell."

I didn't get into the "Magic Spell" part because the "magic" was farting, but the controls of it were very awkward so I only used them in the areas that I absolutely had to.

Anyway, to learn this super powerful "magic" he had to go to the two monks who would be able to teach him such powerful magic.

As if you didn't already know.  Okay, *I* didn't know my first run through, but as soon as I went to their cabin I was like, "Of course it's Terrence and Phillip.  Duh, Ang!"

Canada subplot resolved, papers translated, the girls made Zane an honorary girl and vowed to join forces with the boys.

I'm including this because I found it hilarious.  Every time I go to the Ren Faire, there's ALWAYS some jagoff who's dressed in Star Trek or Star Wars costume.

Zane headed into the final battle sequence against supposed bad guy.  I need to point out the vibrator in Zane's hand.  The kids' equipment are all things that you would find laying around, which was funny.  Even funnier was smacking the big bad super boss across the face with it.

Anyway, plotty plot plot stuff that involves Mister Slave.

More specifically, going up Mister Slave's ass.  Quote:  "But who can shrink themselves AND *plotty plot stuff*?"  "Yes, WHO COULD POSSIBLY?"  "I..don't know.  I mean, shrink OR *plotty plot*, sure.  But BOTH?!"  "Any idea who can do such a thing?"  It was a whole thing which, again, made me laugh.

And up Zane went.  The whole "Lemmiwinks" song was playing, except the name "Lemmiwinks" was replaced with "New Kid."

Zane did what he needed to do.

And then went on to what *I* thought was the final boss battle.  It was not.  Nor was the one after.

Big Bad Government Guy comes in and does an exposition dump that you couldn't skip.  At all.  Lampshaded by the boys throughout the five minute speech ("Skip."  "Ugh, is he still talking?"  "Skip dialogue.")

And then the true big bad final boss was revealed.  It was not Big Bad Government Guy.  Nope.  There was this WHOLE THING that surprised me.

Of course, all of it was explained by Morgan Freeman.

The whole FINAL Boss Battle lasted a while because they kept getting back up (three times I had to fight them).

The only way to beat them was to break the "Gentleman's Oath."

Of which Zane does.  And all is right with the world.

The day was over, the battle was won, and the boys throw The Stick of Truth into Stark's Pond so nobody else can be corrupted by its power.

And it was at this point that Zane was finally allowed to speak:

Which was met with jaws dropped and Cartman saying, "What a dick."

*cue South Park credits*

I seriously loved this game, and there was a whole bunch that I apparently missed even on my second run through.  One of the main aspects of the game was to make friends and Zane only had about 100 made, but there's like 121 or something.  Like all the Christmas Woodland Critters (the one who worshipped Satan, if you recall); I didn't even go into the forest where they were.  Plus a couple more.

Anyway, this was so very well done and still hilarious, even on the second run.  I read a review on the game and they said that it was one big, long love letter to South Park, and that is the best way to sum it up.  Everything people love (or hate) about South Park as a whole is in this game.  Best of all, it was on sale on Steam, so Keith picked it up for like thirteen dollars or something (and I am allowed to share Keith's Steam library).  If you like South Park and have a few bucks to spare, get this game.  South Park Ang, South Park Zane, and possibly South Park Rhys/Quinn (interchangeable here, really, when it comes to the South Park graphics) will have fun.

So.  Yeah.  There you go.  Thanks for reading!

By the way, Merry Holidays from Lilly, who is now 13 months old!

ETA: Sorry for misspellings and typos. Live Journal refused to spell check :/ They aren't even trying anymore, are they?
30th-Dec-2014 09:41 am (UTC)
Great to hear from you, Ang! And yay for enjoying South Park: The Stick of Truth! I also played it earlier this year when my roommate bought it and installed it on my laptop upon my request. It is pretty short, but at least it is fun, especially with so many references from the show itself in the game.

Love the fact that you're using Zane for the game. I miss him and your legacy so much.

Hi, Lilly! So glad to hear that she's 13 months old! Feels like time flies by without anyone realizing it.
20th-Apr-2019 05:53 am (UTC)
Late—very, very late—to the party, but now you know where my screen name comes from. I adore Butters. Possibly it’s the reason I love Zane, too: sweetness and innocence aren’t valued as much as they should be.
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