Prompt: "Privacy? What's That?" smoothiesims
Characters: Puck, Erin, Eden, Rhys
Summary: Poor Puck is being traumatized again.
Word Count: 803
Notes: I wrote this a while back for Myshuno! 2013, but for whatever reason I didn't publish it, probably because I wasn't anywhere near getting a Myshuno! let alone a Blackout. But I figured I'd still share it with you guys now :)
Puck settled himself down on the toilet for his morning constitutional and he pulled out his phone. He wasn't a big fan of using it for calling people, not that it mattered because Sim Phones tended to suck for actually talking on them, but he did like playing with some of the apps while his body was doing "its business."
Just as he started loading up the game "Angry Sims," a puzzle game which involved flinging Sims (who looked eerily familiar to some of the people he knew from around the neighborhood-one even had a red fauxhawk) at structures housing green diamond shapes, Erin burst into the bathroom. He could feel himself blushing as he made an attempt to cover himself up.
"Hey, Puck," his wife began cheerfully, "are you almost done with the toilet?"
He cleared his throat. "Um, no."
"Oh, okay. Well I'm just going to brush my teeth and wait for you to finish, so hurry up, would ya'?"
"Ere, aren't there like four other bathrooms in the house? Not to be rude, but if you really need to go--"
"Oh, no, I don't. I just want to clean the toilet and you're kind of in my way."
Sadly, that wasn't the most bizarre thing she had ever said.
Before he could respond, his father-in-law sprinted into the bathroom. "Damn," Rhys said when he noticed Puck and Erin already in there.
"I called 'Dibs'!" Erin shouted.
"You can't call 'Dibs' on toilet cleaning because that's not fair. Besides, I called 'Dibs times infinity' long before you were even born. So there!"
"Oh whatever! You did not."
"I did! But look, I'll Rock, Paper, Scissors you for it."
"Fine. Best two out of three."
"Uh, hello? I'm still sitting here and I haven't even started yet," Puck said. He knew that the desperate tone of his voice wouldn't matter, but he couldn't help it.
"Booya! I win! 'Dibs times infinity plus two!' Nyeahh," Rhys said as he stuck his tongue out at his daughter.
"I did not! Rock Paper Scissors is, like, the one game you can't cheat at. Suck it up!" He turned to Puck. "Hey, you need to, literally, shit or get off the pot, because I get to clean it when you're done. Chop chop. I have a busy day ahead of me."
"Rhys?" Eden's voice came from outside the door.
"In here, babe."
"Why is it so crowded? I can barely get in here."
"Oh God, let me guess, you want to clean the toilet as well, right?" Puck asked with a groan.
Eden wrinkled her nose. "Why on earth would I want to do that?" She turned to Rhys with a huge smile and she caressed his cheek. "No, I came in here because I wanted a kiss."
"Another one?" Rhys asked her with a knowing smirk. "Twist my arm why don'tcha'. Making out is a fine way to pass the time while Mister Constipation here dilly dallies."
"You know what? I haven't gotten a kiss yet today, either. Puck, hurry up. I want my morning kiss," Erin said.
"STOP!" Puck shouted. Three sets of eyes, two dark brown and one dark blue, looked at him with surprise. He straightened his shoulders and tried to look as dignified as possible with his pants around his ankles and the "Angry Sims" theme still playing from his phone. "Have any of you ever heard of the word 'privacy?'"
He would go to his grave remembering the blank look the three of them gave him. The look that said, 'No. No we have not. Privacy? What's that?'
"Poor Puck," Eden said. "I think we're making him uncomfortable."
"Aww, my husband is so cute," Erin said as she smiled at him.
"Yeah, he's fucking adorable. Now, are you done yet, Puck? Or do you have Stage Fright?" Rhys said with an eye roll.
Puck heaved a heavy sigh, stood up, and managed to pull his pants up without flashing everyone. It was the one proud nanosecond he had at that moment. His 'window of opportunity' was gone anyway.
"Finally!" Rhys said with a fist pump. It was like he had scored the winning touchdown in 'The Big Game' or something. "Now move. You're still in my way."
"Rhys, when you're done, I want to give you another kiss!"
"Sure thing, babe. I love being rewarded for a job well done."
"Okay, I'm going to leave now," Puck said, knowing that the weirdos he lived with weren't really paying attention. "I want to get out of here before things become any more Meta." He tried to take a step out the door, but Erin was blocking his way.
"I want to goose your cute little butt," she said with a huge grin.
His shoulders slumped and he sighed.